I have just realized that I’ve quite possibly become a rare creature – a recovering addict with a lot of experience in the program, who is unconcerned about their anonymity (not counting celebs of course – hell, the whole world knew about their “dancing days”; not a very big leap there).
I have disclosed that I am a recovering person on my post, About this Blog, as I felt that after 30 years around the program, there are stories worth telling about my experiences. I find it much more difficult to write about myself though, than to edit an informative piece – the rest of this blog covers more general topics, such as music, art and the environment. I did feel a little vulnerable ‘coming out’ in this way but expected little interest in it anyway. In fact it was a recent post on recovery and creativity, Movement in the Major Key, the first time I had written in any detail on these issues, which has had the best response on the blog. And so far the sky has not fallen in.
Of course it’s totally up to each person to make the decision for themselves, but I do feel it’s generally best for addicts, especially early in recovery, to share this aspect of their lives only with other addicts. Anonymity is important for a range of reasons recovering people all understand, including the protection of the fellowship and any similar entity we rely on so significantly. I have not specified my means of recovery nor published any identifiable logos – I am far from wanting to be the public face of anything. However my situation is that I no longer need to seek paid employment, so I’m unconcerned on this front, as might once have been the case. Also I am OK with who I am today, and feel that those who, through ignorance, might judge me for my past don’t matter. I don’t need everyone’s approval. I have many loving and supportive friends, and want the world to know who I truly am for many reasons.
Most importantly, I am happy to help in any way I can to overcome the stigma which sees many addicts afraid to seek recovery. And to carry the message that there is indeed a life after active addiction “better than any we have ever known”, to paraphrase from a well-known piece of literature. I feel also that the prevailing stereotype of the addict, in and out of recovery, needs to be challenged. Membership of twelve step groups is made up of a cross-section of society as we who attend meetings regularly can attest. I want to, at least to a greater degree than at present, ‘normalise’ this situation; indeed, it has been estimated substance addicts alone make up around 10% of the population, and that few families are unaffected by the disease, so why should recovery be completely outside of the community mainstream, a sort of underground movement, alluring as that seems? In Iran, recovering addicts meet in open outdoor venues as they are forbidden to meet behind closed doors. Needs must. Not that I’m advocating anything like that here in Australia, at least not in the near future, while there is still the infernal tinge of disgrace. It’s a delicate balancing act to navigate – social exclusion by choice or by necessity?
In my own case, I am mindful of avoiding sensationalism, and anything self-serving in my motivations (as in all things). However, as someone who has recently begun to recover my voice (weird as that might sound LOL), I no longer need or wish to remain in the shadows, in silence. There is quite possibly a greater good to be served here – advocacy for my tribe. And yep, recovery rocks my socks!
Meantime here’s some Courtney Love:
Notes on Being 